Tag Archives: zerotohero

Busy

“The answers you seek never come when the mind is busy, they come when the mind is still.”

There’s so much on my mind; I’m running blank.

At times I can literally feel every piece of information traveling their separate ways, in their different directions, in my head.

I can, however, never makes sense of what is happening.

It’s like an overkill.

A busy mind is not always productive because we tend to be overloaded with needs, wants, goals and aspirations to the point where we cannot accomplish one thing.

But now it all makes sense.

Sometimes we need clarity and serenity.

To find a sense of peace and tranquillity.

To refocus ourselves and our steps.

To let our minds be still so that we can find the answers we need.

Namaste.

Do people really care?

I have been through a few stages of the oversharer, the undersharer and the secretive.

And at every stage I am changed by my interactions with people. I have found that telling your problems to professional strangers oftentimes work out better than sharing with friends.

Do you really think only listening is enough? Do you really think only offering hope is enough? Do you really think only offering some philosophical speech or phrases is enough? Or do you really think only offering religious comfort is enough?

The thing is action speaks louder than words.

Those who are hurting sometimes need more than the customary and platonic phrases that you have to offer.

It’s really a matter of time before the hurt feels as though no one truly cares.

As I go through my phases I realize how selfish people can be. I am absolutely not belligerent because it should be my desire to also be selfish.

I should be selfish with my presence, my help and my advice.

Because isn’t it what everyone else is doing ?

“Oh I’m so sorry you going through this,” “everything will work out,” “the lord will keep you through”

But then no one checks on you continuously until you are heal. Or they check a day after, totally forget about you or people are just busy with their own problems and busy figuring out their solutions for their own issues.

Funny right?

Or should we just say people aren’t selfish and blame the world.

The fast-paced world that we live in. The world where someone is hurting, ill or die and we just make a post or send a text with our blessings and condolences then move right on- living our lives like the selfish beings we are.

I know I love to overextend myself but guess what no more. I’m sorry I can’t be the difference but it’s a little too much for me to handle. I’ll hear your story and move on from it- as you would hear mine and move on.

And no it’s not that I don’t care but I’m learning to be as selfish as you.

Pattern

“You’re not stuck. You’re just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they have helped you in the past. Now those behaviors have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a different result.” Emily Moroutian

I’ve been thinking and it has been five endless seasons of the same pattern of behavior.

There’s the calm, then the care, then the intense like, then the physical presence.

Then there’s the hurt, then the disregards, then the dislikes, then the miniscule arguments, then a few moments of quick hatred-that some how seems to fade away everytime and then there’s the end until we meet again.

And the funny thing is all the beginnings feel the same.

The laughter with the eyes closed. The telling to your inner being that this time will be different because you have control. The nos are hardly said and you think that this time the path will be really different- even though there are no future expectations.

But for some reason along the way you have lost yourself. Or maybe that is a little over dramatic and I should say you have lost control.

All you yearn for is the same start of the five endless seasons-the calm, the care, the intense like and the physical presence.

And the most insane of all is that you know the same pattern will yield the same result but you just can’t find it in you to change the formula or to break free and start a whole new cycle.

A part of you do not want the change because there is something incredible and inexplicable about the patterns of the five endless seasons.

A deja vu that you don’t mind experiencing as you look forward to a rendezvous for a sixth endless season.

So I guess- UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!

Love and Loss

There’s no greater pain than heartbreaks and vomiting- I legit think they are feelings of near death experience.

I have had great moments filled with happiness and laughter. Moments I thought would be infinite. I have had days when all I need is to see your texts, hear your voice, feel your presence and embrace your touch and then everything gets better.

There are days when I know in a world of billions of people you are the only one that is dependable and reliable. The only one that will trade it all to make my dreams come true. The only one who truly cares.

There are times when I am upset, sad, angry and lost and all I need is your ears and you give it all to me- even though they are as tiny as they can be.

And then came the horrors of human interactions. We tried, we failed, we tried again and fail.

There’s a sort of peace knowing that I have had you. To know what I want and to know what my expectations are.

There are some sadness knowing that we are not meant to be.

But I find strength in the infinite moments. Hoping that they will be once again. And I calm my anxiety, knowing that everything is fated and what is meant to be will be.

In this moment all I can say is that I have loved and lost.

Stillness

“When it rains, it pours”- I am not sure who said these words (and I am too lazy to research).

There are days when we are hit with everything at once. Our own personal struggles, the problems of our families and friends, the sorrows of the unjust world we live in, the oppression we face as a nation, race or religious group.

And then come a day when we can’t really think about all that is happening within us and aroud us.

The stillness.

Today that is how I feel.

Stillness- a kind of peace that is scary because I subconsciously know there are a million things to worry about or to figure out. A kind of numbness that puts me in a world that is inhabited by noone but myself.

The stillness-

It reminds me of “the calm after a storm” or of the somber nights that I stay lying in bed staring at the ceiling while picking my brain about my impending future.

There’s this stillness that I can’t really wrap my head around.

But I will bask in the sound of nothingness and appreciate the moments of solitude.

Because this is my moment of stillness.

Estranged

“When I was little, I picked a flower and put it in a vase. After a few days, it died. I asked my mom why, and she said, “you can’t force a flower to thrive somewhere it doesn’t belong to.” And now, I realize that people are like that too”- unknown

I spent days thinking about human connection and interaction. The way we are close and the way we are able to leave each other behind as if we have never crossed paths.

One word came to mind- estranged.

Estrangement is bittersweet. It gives me chills to know that someone I was once close to is now a stranger. However, with time estrangement seems fine.

I strongly believe that time does heal all wounds.

As I reflect on all those people who have left my life- or those whom I have left theirs, I am appalled by how today the feeling of alienation or desertion leaves me unphased.

Can you remember that friend who you thought was like a brother or sister to you? Or that man or woman who you thought you were meant to be with forever?

Exactly.

There is definitely a struggle at the end of any estrangement- whether social or intimate. There are days when you feel like the weight was not lifted. You question things and try to find reasons why your friendship or relationship ended. You even will ask yourself, should I reach out to this person for closure or to amend what was broken?

The truth is there is a season for everything.

Those who have walked only a section of your life journey with you have done their time. Sometimes it makes no sense to force a person to be a part of your life or to force yourself to be a part of someone else’s life.

The aches you feel in the now will be relieved in the then. Few days, months or even years all you will do is reflect on the good times you had with those persons and smile, you will look at the bad times and say this is why you had to part ways or even more scary you will not reflect at all because it will be as though those persons and you have never crossed paths.

So for everyone who has lost someone or who has since experience estrangement, there is hope. Things will get better with time. If you are meant to rekindle and grow it will happen. And if that was the end of your life journey together, you will figure out a way to grow without that person.

And always remember, “you can’t force a flower to thrive where it doesn’t belong.”

And you my dear can also be that flower.

Pain

Our very first reaction to the word and idea of pain is always physical. After all, pain is something that we often feel, which allows us to have physical symptoms.

But there is that abstract pain that tears our hearts out. It is almost as though our chests are tightening and we are just awaiting the impending death that looms over our soul to devour us and take us home.

That pain is emotional.

Lately that is how I have been feeling.

I am grateful for the high days as they remind me of happiness and a much calmer life where things are mellow and vibrant.

On the contrary, there are those days when I think that my anxiety itself is so overwhelming I probably wont make it.

There are other days when I am able to express myself and say how I feel. And there are those days when I think speaking of my struggles is too much. It it as though every time I speak I am reliving my trauma.

So instead, I stay confused, depressed and alone.

But the funny thing is, “numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it,” J.K. Rowling.

So I try to embrace my pain thinking that at the end of my endurance there should be a happy ending.

And I guess that’s hope.

Precarious

“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming, when nothing is certain, anything is possible” – Mandy Hale

There are so many people who had a vision and it came through. It does not necessarily mean that they did not experience any direct or indirect struggles but we see their wins and acknowledge their successes.

On the other hand, there are some of us that are stuck in a never-ending cycle of uncertainty and indecisiveness.

I am some of us.

But what I have learn is that once we are alive we will wake up and be anxious, depressed, happy, sad, nonchalant, indecisive, lethargic, productive and so on.

The point is life carries on whether or not we want it to. We have no authority to put a pause on life itself.

As such, I have employed a few strategies to help me make sense of my uncertainties:

  • Everything that happened was meant to be;
  • Anything that is meant for me, will never miss me;
  • Take a deep breath when uncertainties seem to be overwhelming;
  • Take a moment to be grateful for all the already achieved goals;
  • Change my train of thought;
  • Find new ways to solve current and pending issues;
  • Things will work out if it is meant to be;
  • With effort and dedication on my part careers, hobbies and social/intimate life will fall in place;
  • Everything in life is temporary, nothing, including my struggles and uncertainties, lasts forever;
  • Take a step back and recuperate.

Barren

“Beware the Barrenness of a busy Life”- Socrates

For some reason I keep remembering Socrates’ teachings and his many quotes. It dawned upon me that I need to refresh my memory with his work and some of his most renown philosophical thoughts.

I keep recalling Socrates’ preoccupation with the thought of how much we fill our lives with so many things that make our life seems busy and purposeful. He raises the questions of how meaningful our life really is. And to assess the meaningfulness of our lives, he suggested that we remove all the tasks, chores, work and so on from our life and once nothing is left we will be able to arrive at a conclusion.

The last few days have been a period of soul searching. I am seeing where I am at now and based on my current situations I am evaluating my life to see my likes, dislikes, make certain adjustments and trying to find the time to adhere to certain personal changes.

But working two jobs and having little to no time for myself, have proven that a busy life will keep you away from focusing on what I will term the “more important things.”

A busy life can really bear a barren life.

If I were to remove my jobs from my daily activities, I would certainly find that there are so many other important things that I do need to address on a personal level. And without having nothing to do I would probably come to the conclusion that so far I am not living a meaningful life.

Socrates also says that “not life, but a good life, is to be chiefly valued.”

It is clear that not mainly existing because we wake up and are alive is deemed valuable, purposeful or meaningful.

There are other things that we need to employ as a part of our lives to make it meaningful and valued.

It may be the act of kindness, sacrifice, love, appreciation, accomplishments and so on that we employ in adding meaning and purpose to our life.

It can be a simple act of submersion or daily bath, like Henry David Thoreau at Walden pond, that brings tranquility, aspiration and make us feel renewed and revived.

I have since pledge that I need to start finding things to be a part of my life that will help me to live and lead a purpose filled good life that is chiefly valued.

And you all should find the time to do the same.

Sacrifice

There is so much we do to make things better for ourselves, our loved ones and even strangers.

These little things are our sacrifices.

The need to restrict ourselves from certain material and abstract gain is more often a challenge than a happy stroll in the park.

Sacrifices do not happen effortlessly but oftentimes require strategic planning and discipline. While the former can easily be written down in stages for us to follow to achieve our goal, the latter requires strict self restriction- that most of us do find difficult to maintain.

The thing about understanding sacrifices that I find amusing is that it works similar to situations that require empathy.

Most times the people we make sacrifices on behalf of are not empathetic because they are on the receiving end of the relationship. They do not take the time to put themselves in our position to be fully appreciative of the things the giver/ doer does.

Only a few would ever understand or try to take the time to understand, how you had to be their for them, do a task for them or give them something at your inconvenience.

I recently encountered a situation where I felt like my sacrifices are/were not appreciated. But after deciphering the situation and the words that were said, I came to understand that not everyone will truly and fully understand the things givers have to do and endure in order to make a favor come through for them, to get that dream gift they desire, to pay that tuition or to be there emotionally- because the truth is sometimes people’s problems can be draining to the listening ear.

And I do know that most of us like to say that one should do/give without any expectation.

But who really does want to know that the things they do, give or the sacrifices they had to make is not appreciated?

So to the ones who have the luxury of just calling whether to an Earthly or Heavenly entity and their callings are answered, please remember to not only say thanks in the moment but try to be grateful to the extent by which you can easily understand the sacrifices that were made so you could get what you wanted.

Take the time to let others who help you know that their help is really appreciated.

And more importantly, learn to be empathetic towards those who have to make sacrifices on your behalf.