Tag Archives: understanding relationships

Disappear with Me

A few years ago one of the sweetest couple I know suffered an unimaginable accidental loss. There is always something about accidents and loss that almost always remind us of three things:

  • as humans we are vulnerable
  • we should always cherish the life we live and
  • our life can be shorter than what we have in mind.

There are things that happen to some people who we may say are undeserving of the pain and suffering that was haphazardly brought upon them.

I remember talking about how beautiful the wedding looked, the food and the chef. And in the moment when I thought it was lone celebratory happiness, we received the devastating news about an accident that had occurred.

In that very moment, I pledged that I will always be happy by surrounding myself with only those who care, who had ‘good vibes only,’ and those who ensure my tranquility and peace of mind.

For a while I was doing well but as usual life happens.


There are some things about the dark that are absolutely unsure.

When we think of the dark or darkness, we think of total absence of light, evil or danger. On the other hand, darkness can also alludes to tranquility, solace, control and isolation. The truth, however, is that you cannot always tell what you will find in the dark.

There are times in my life when I can feel the darkness creeping in. My chest tightens, my heart rate elevates, my sleeping pattern is disrupted, I am extremely lethargic and I can barely make it to the bathroom to take a shower. In those very instances I am overwhelmed, depressed and I begin my days in isolation.

If I may be transparent, oftentimes I do know my triggers but there are days when things that I might have tucked away in my subconsciousness resurface and take a toll on my mental state.

It might sound weird but the truth is whenever I disappear I enjoy raveling in the dark ALONE until I am able to find ‘myself ‘again.


I have a couple friends that within 48- 72 hours of disappearing, they will immediately text to ask when I am coming back to the real world- they have learned how I am. There are others who think I am just ignoring them. Some even think that I am busy with my other sets of friends.

I almost never clarify the misconception. I, sometimes, am too overwhelmed by my own personal happenings or mishaps to explain the struggles that I am experiencing. I also always find it to be so painful reliving my darkest moments. As such,I choose silence over explanation and try to pick up where we left off.


About three years ago, some sweet lady asked me a series of questions, vetted my answers and then gave me some advice.

Everything that was said is what I already knew but had never put into perspective. I came out of that conversation with a plethora of information that helped me accept my flaws, weaknesses, strengths, vulnerabilities and myself.

All of the above mentioned tenets laid a new foundation with how I handle both my social and intimate relationships. I think my biggest flaw is embedded in my strongest feature. I am vulnerable because of my ever so willingness to help.

As a consequence, I have made it my duty to incorporate certain things in shaping the person who I am today:

  • I have learned that it is perfectly fine to not save everyone who comes my way,
  • to know that not everybody who asks of me will receive,
  • to always ensure that I reserve some of me and,
  • to not give all of me away because no one is deserving to get more from me than what I give to myself.

I know it all sounds so selfish. But if you truly know me that would probably be one of the last adjectives you would use to describe me.


Now that I have let you all in on some cup of ‘tea’- as my fellow young generation would say, I want anyone who is reading this to know that it is perfectly pleasing to love every inch of you. Do not feel guilty to change how you operate within your relationships, especially if your new actions will bring you satisfaction, peace and happiness. Protect your heart, body, mind and soul from friends, family and strangers who will ruin you and bring you running into the darkness.

Take some time away from everyone if that is what works for you because the truth is you may never know what will happen if the darkness consumes you.

Disappear with me in the dark to self- evaluate and reconstruct because it is better to seek control and understanding than to be destroyed by it.

The complex road to a man’s heart

The complexity of human interaction can be found in one of our most humble characteristics – our uniqueness. The more I keep in touch with people the more it is obvious that no two people are a like.

Whether it be on a social or an intimate level, we find ourselves hanging out or planning to start a life with those with whom we have found some level of comfort or connection. It is expected that people with shared beliefs, values, goals or desires will unify because they have similarities.

However, at the center of all that is uniqueness. A crucial factor that oftentimes disrupts the natural flow of things.

It is always so amusing to interact with people of different nationality, race, social and geographical background. The experience we get from being exposed to a diverse population is thrilling and suspenseful because you never really know who you will get.

What do I actually mean?

Have you ever met two people who are identical in terms of socioeconomic and geographical background? One may turn out to be the most welcoming person you have ever met. On the contrary, the other may be the most obnoxious person you have ever encountered in your life.


Everything I have said so far is relatable on a social level. However, on an intimate scale, our unique principles and behavior may also turn out to be detrimental to the happiness and peace we so often venture out to find in the arms of our lover(s).

Relationships are fueled with high velocity of emotions. There is love, passion, sex and chemistry. All of which can be tumultuous. We all crave for that relationship that makes us feel like we are on a high. It is so exhilarating to talk about the new found fling or lover.

The sad thing, however, is that relationships are similar to a story plot. They all seem to have a climax and then a fall. After being with someone for a while, you start to realize that love becomes customary.

You love them and you know that they love you.

It is just a weird form of knowledge that you have without needing “I love you” to be said to you every second of the day.

When you are at this point in your relationship, you start to have epiphanic revelations. It is as though the emotions were clouding your sight. You start to realize that there are so much complexities associated with keeping a relationship alive.

All the things that you like and love, all the things that make you irritable and annoyed take precedence and if you are not careful the life you once yearn for will be instantly snatched from you.

And the sad part is, everything you experience from this point on all boils down to each person’s uniqueness.


The way to a man’s heart is really complicated and challenging. It is never smooth sailing. There is just a level of intricacy that reveals itself after the honeymoon phase has passed.

Because of this I want you to always remember these little things:

Don’t be hard on each other because you think someone has lost their touch, Don’t go having affairs because you want to get that thrill back and Don’t be quick to think that it is the end.

Although, maybe it is.