Tag Archives: understanding love

Pattern

“You’re not stuck. You’re just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they have helped you in the past. Now those behaviors have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a different result.” Emily Moroutian

I’ve been thinking and it has been five endless seasons of the same pattern of behavior.

There’s the calm, then the care, then the intense like, then the physical presence.

Then there’s the hurt, then the disregards, then the dislikes, then the miniscule arguments, then a few moments of quick hatred-that some how seems to fade away everytime and then there’s the end until we meet again.

And the funny thing is all the beginnings feel the same.

The laughter with the eyes closed. The telling to your inner being that this time will be different because you have control. The nos are hardly said and you think that this time the path will be really different- even though there are no future expectations.

But for some reason along the way you have lost yourself. Or maybe that is a little over dramatic and I should say you have lost control.

All you yearn for is the same start of the five endless seasons-the calm, the care, the intense like and the physical presence.

And the most insane of all is that you know the same pattern will yield the same result but you just can’t find it in you to change the formula or to break free and start a whole new cycle.

A part of you do not want the change because there is something incredible and inexplicable about the patterns of the five endless seasons.

A deja vu that you don’t mind experiencing as you look forward to a rendezvous for a sixth endless season.

So I guess- UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!

Love and Loss

There’s no greater pain than heartbreaks and vomiting- I legit think they are feelings of near death experience.

I have had great moments filled with happiness and laughter. Moments I thought would be infinite. I have had days when all I need is to see your texts, hear your voice, feel your presence and embrace your touch and then everything gets better.

There are days when I know in a world of billions of people you are the only one that is dependable and reliable. The only one that will trade it all to make my dreams come true. The only one who truly cares.

There are times when I am upset, sad, angry and lost and all I need is your ears and you give it all to me- even though they are as tiny as they can be.

And then came the horrors of human interactions. We tried, we failed, we tried again and fail.

There’s a sort of peace knowing that I have had you. To know what I want and to know what my expectations are.

There are some sadness knowing that we are not meant to be.

But I find strength in the infinite moments. Hoping that they will be once again. And I calm my anxiety, knowing that everything is fated and what is meant to be will be.

In this moment all I can say is that I have loved and lost.