Tag Archives: thoughts

Stillness

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“When it rains, it pours”- I am not sure who said these words (and I am too lazy to research).

There are days when we are hit with everything at once. Our own personal struggles, the problems of our families and friends, the sorrows of the unjust world we live in, the oppression we face as a nation, race or religious group.

And then come a day when we can’t really think about all that is happening within us and aroud us.

The stillness.

Today that is how I feel.

Stillness- a kind of peace that is scary because I subconsciously know there are a million things to worry about or to figure out. A kind of numbness that puts me in a world that is inhabited by noone but myself.

The stillness-

It reminds me of “the calm after a storm” or of the somber nights that I stay lying in bed staring at the ceiling while picking my brain about my impending future.

There’s this stillness that I can’t really wrap my head around.

But I will bask in the sound of nothingness and appreciate the moments of solitude.

Because this is my moment of stillness.

Pain

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Our very first reaction to the word and idea of pain is always physical. After all, pain is something that we often feel, which allows us to have physical symptoms.

But there is that abstract pain that tears our hearts out. It is almost as though our chests are tightening and we are just awaiting the impending death that looms over our soul to devour us and take us home.

That pain is emotional.

Lately that is how I have been feeling.

I am grateful for the high days as they remind me of happiness and a much calmer life where things are mellow and vibrant.

On the contrary, there are those days when I think that my anxiety itself is so overwhelming I probably wont make it.

There are other days when I am able to express myself and say how I feel. And there are those days when I think speaking of my struggles is too much. It it as though every time I speak I am reliving my trauma.

So instead, I stay confused, depressed and alone.

But the funny thing is, “numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it,” J.K. Rowling.

So I try to embrace my pain thinking that at the end of my endurance there should be a happy ending.

And I guess that’s hope.

Quarantine and Think

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When it comes on to the future there is always a high level of uncertainty. Despite this known phenomenon, we are still grappling with this pandemic and its effects on our lives. We are wrapped in a never ending cycle of disbelief and are very much puzzled by the current disruption we are encountering.

For the first time in my life I have witnessed worldwide disruption.

I will definitely be able to tell my children and my grandchildren that I was a part of this horrific historical event. And the sad truth is, a part of me feels elated to be living in a time that will definitely be written down in our history books.

I cannot quite imagine what life was like in the Great Depression of the 1930s or even during World War I. However, I am sure that those era are very much similar to the havoc COVID-19 has been reigning down on us.

It is the first time in a long while that students are pulled from schools, almost every business is closed and those who always whine about having to turn up to work on a daily basis, have no choice but to stay at home- unless of course they are essential workers.

One of the most prevalent topic that has been parading through this whole quarantine life is money. Most people are taking the time to start a new business, are being encouraged to ensure that they have residual income or are thinking of how they can make better financial decisions once this ‘new normal’ has passed.

All of this is completely understandable. However, with so much time to just sit at home and think, I have thought of so much more than financial stability.

Please do not get me wrong.

I do understand that money is just as essential as our basic needs- food, shelter and clothes. There is no doubt that the amount of money you have determines the lifestyle that you live.

The reality is everyone needs money.

I, however, cannot stop thinking of how COVID-19 has reinforced a factual ideology. The ideology of how unpredictable life is. Everytime I think of what we are experiencing, the only thing I can say is ‘this is so crazy.’

Although I should not be reacting like that, since I already know that tomorrow is not guaranteed and noone knows what the future holds.

During this time, I, like many of you, have thought of money, how it is needed and how saving for a rainy day is not just a saying but a philosophy that we need to live by.

However, I just happen to be indifferent towards the overzealous attitude most people tend to have about money.

The truth is there is so much more to life than what’s in our bank accounts. And if for some reason you are in disagreement, just check how often celebrities, socialites and affluent people have committed suicide.

So let us get back to the things I have been thinking about during quarantine.

Some important things (not money) that I have thought about and would like to share with you are:

– if this disease should be the end of humanity, it would not have mattered if we are rich or poor,

– we should not confine ourselves to unhappy situations,

– our happiness and peace of mind are essential,

– learn to be kind to everyone,

– learn to love, share and encourage good,

– we should take pride in both our health and mental well-being,

– be accepting of others even if they do not share our beliefs, values and faith,

– appreciate our freedom and make good use of it,

– seize the moment, and last but not least;

– do what we desire as you only live once (Y.O.L.O).