Tag Archives: self-expression

Culture of Nothingness

I can hear the pain in your voice, yet still you say nothing is wrong.

I can see the tears rolling down your face, yet still you say nothing.

I have heard stuff that you are going through, but you opened not your heart to share it with someone.

Why does it feel so wrong to bare the most ugly and painful parts of us with everyone?

As Caribbean children we are taught to bite our lips and nod our heads to the point that saying nothing transcends everything.

We wobble in pain, grief, uncertainty, chaos and misery but we have no courage to speak. We force a smile or put on a facade just to avoid being asked why we are sad.

And the funny thing is, even in our greatest moments nothingness seems to prevail over everything.

Why are we so reluctant to share even our wins and our success?

It is as though we were indirectly taught that silence is everything. We turn a blind eye, we cover our ears and we bound our tongues only to pretend that what we have witnessed, heard and want to say is imperceptible.

There are a myriad of reasons we do not want to share certain aspects of our lives with the world. I, however, no longer am afraid to speak my truth.

Some wise person once said that with experience comes knowledge. And I can attest to that as each day I live, I have learned that:

  • It does not matter if those who have ill-will hear of your pain or your triumphs (they are not a part of your life anyways)
  • Not because you have bad experiences and speak of them, it does not necessarily mean you are bitter or hung up on the past
  • Self- expression is great
  • Your story (whether good or bad) may just save someone
  • You only hurt yourself when you keep everything bottled up inside
  • Open up your heart and share the good and bad if you feel comfortable or inclined to.

So, today I implore anyone (Caribbean affiliation or not) who is reading this to remember that it is ok to choose someone to share your wins and losses with.

It is totally fine to even share them with the world.

Do not be caught up in the culture of silence and nothingness.

Take the time to understand yourself in your best and worst moments. Embrace who you are. Share your stories with the world- they may just be a safe haven to someone somewhere.

Disappear with Me

A few years ago one of the sweetest couple I know suffered an unimaginable accidental loss. There is always something about accidents and loss that almost always remind us of three things:

  • as humans we are vulnerable
  • we should always cherish the life we live and
  • our life can be shorter than what we have in mind.

There are things that happen to some people who we may say are undeserving of the pain and suffering that was haphazardly brought upon them.

I remember talking about how beautiful the wedding looked, the food and the chef. And in the moment when I thought it was lone celebratory happiness, we received the devastating news about an accident that had occurred.

In that very moment, I pledged that I will always be happy by surrounding myself with only those who care, who had ‘good vibes only,’ and those who ensure my tranquility and peace of mind.

For a while I was doing well but as usual life happens.


There are some things about the dark that are absolutely unsure.

When we think of the dark or darkness, we think of total absence of light, evil or danger. On the other hand, darkness can also alludes to tranquility, solace, control and isolation. The truth, however, is that you cannot always tell what you will find in the dark.

There are times in my life when I can feel the darkness creeping in. My chest tightens, my heart rate elevates, my sleeping pattern is disrupted, I am extremely lethargic and I can barely make it to the bathroom to take a shower. In those very instances I am overwhelmed, depressed and I begin my days in isolation.

If I may be transparent, oftentimes I do know my triggers but there are days when things that I might have tucked away in my subconsciousness resurface and take a toll on my mental state.

It might sound weird but the truth is whenever I disappear I enjoy raveling in the dark ALONE until I am able to find ‘myself ‘again.


I have a couple friends that within 48- 72 hours of disappearing, they will immediately text to ask when I am coming back to the real world- they have learned how I am. There are others who think I am just ignoring them. Some even think that I am busy with my other sets of friends.

I almost never clarify the misconception. I, sometimes, am too overwhelmed by my own personal happenings or mishaps to explain the struggles that I am experiencing. I also always find it to be so painful reliving my darkest moments. As such,I choose silence over explanation and try to pick up where we left off.


About three years ago, some sweet lady asked me a series of questions, vetted my answers and then gave me some advice.

Everything that was said is what I already knew but had never put into perspective. I came out of that conversation with a plethora of information that helped me accept my flaws, weaknesses, strengths, vulnerabilities and myself.

All of the above mentioned tenets laid a new foundation with how I handle both my social and intimate relationships. I think my biggest flaw is embedded in my strongest feature. I am vulnerable because of my ever so willingness to help.

As a consequence, I have made it my duty to incorporate certain things in shaping the person who I am today:

  • I have learned that it is perfectly fine to not save everyone who comes my way,
  • to know that not everybody who asks of me will receive,
  • to always ensure that I reserve some of me and,
  • to not give all of me away because no one is deserving to get more from me than what I give to myself.

I know it all sounds so selfish. But if you truly know me that would probably be one of the last adjectives you would use to describe me.


Now that I have let you all in on some cup of ‘tea’- as my fellow young generation would say, I want anyone who is reading this to know that it is perfectly pleasing to love every inch of you. Do not feel guilty to change how you operate within your relationships, especially if your new actions will bring you satisfaction, peace and happiness. Protect your heart, body, mind and soul from friends, family and strangers who will ruin you and bring you running into the darkness.

Take some time away from everyone if that is what works for you because the truth is you may never know what will happen if the darkness consumes you.

Disappear with me in the dark to self- evaluate and reconstruct because it is better to seek control and understanding than to be destroyed by it.

Quarantine and Think

When it comes on to the future there is always a high level of uncertainty. Despite this known phenomenon, we are still grappling with this pandemic and its effects on our lives. We are wrapped in a never ending cycle of disbelief and are very much puzzled by the current disruption we are encountering.

For the first time in my life I have witnessed worldwide disruption.

I will definitely be able to tell my children and my grandchildren that I was a part of this horrific historical event. And the sad truth is, a part of me feels elated to be living in a time that will definitely be written down in our history books.

I cannot quite imagine what life was like in the Great Depression of the 1930s or even during World War I. However, I am sure that those era are very much similar to the havoc COVID-19 has been reigning down on us.

It is the first time in a long while that students are pulled from schools, almost every business is closed and those who always whine about having to turn up to work on a daily basis, have no choice but to stay at home- unless of course they are essential workers.


One of the most prevalent topic that has been parading through this whole quarantine life is money. Most people are taking the time to start a new business, are being encouraged to ensure that they have residual income or are thinking of how they can make better financial decisions once this ‘new normal’ has passed.

All of this is completely understandable. However, with so much time to just sit at home and think, I have thought of so much more than financial stability.

Please do not get me wrong.

I do understand that money is just as essential as our basic needs- food, shelter and clothes. There is no doubt that the amount of money you have determines the lifestyle that you live.

The reality is everyone needs money.

I, however, cannot stop thinking of how COVID-19 has reinforced a factual ideology. The ideology of how unpredictable life is. Everytime I think of what we are experiencing, the only thing I can say is ‘this is so crazy.’

Although I should not be reacting like that, since I already know that tomorrow is not guaranteed and noone knows what the future holds.


During this time, I, like many of you, have thought of money, how it is needed and how saving for a rainy day is not just a saying but a philosophy that we need to live by.

However, I just happen to be indifferent towards the overzealous attitude most people tend to have about money.

The truth is there is so much more to life than what’s in our bank accounts. And if for some reason you are in disagreement, just check how often celebrities, socialites and affluent people have committed suicide.

So let us get back to the things I have been thinking about during quarantine.

Some important things (not money) that I have thought about and would like to share with you are:

– if this disease should be the end of humanity, it would not have mattered if we are rich or poor,

– we should not confine ourselves to unhappy situations,

– our happiness and peace of mind are essential,

– learn to be kind to everyone,

– learn to love, share and encourage good,

– we should take pride in both our health and mental well-being,

– be accepting of others even if they do not share our beliefs, values and faith,

– appreciate our freedom and make good use of it,

– seize the moment, and last but not least;

– do what we desire as you only live once (Y.O.L.O).