Tag Archives: intimacy

Love and Loss

There’s no greater pain than heartbreaks and vomiting- I legit think they are feelings of near death experience.

I have had great moments filled with happiness and laughter. Moments I thought would be infinite. I have had days when all I need is to see your texts, hear your voice, feel your presence and embrace your touch and then everything gets better.

There are days when I know in a world of billions of people you are the only one that is dependable and reliable. The only one that will trade it all to make my dreams come true. The only one who truly cares.

There are times when I am upset, sad, angry and lost and all I need is your ears and you give it all to me- even though they are as tiny as they can be.

And then came the horrors of human interactions. We tried, we failed, we tried again and fail.

There’s a sort of peace knowing that I have had you. To know what I want and to know what my expectations are.

There are some sadness knowing that we are not meant to be.

But I find strength in the infinite moments. Hoping that they will be once again. And I calm my anxiety, knowing that everything is fated and what is meant to be will be.

In this moment all I can say is that I have loved and lost.

Everything is gone to Dust

Love is intense, beautiful, intriguing, passionate, companionship, happiness. I could go on but it would be never-ending because we all know that love is infinite.

Because of all these wonderful things sometimes love makes it hard to move on. It makes it hard for us to break up so we hold on.

There is so much uncertainty in life and when it comes to our relationships, some of us are even more unaware of what may happen. So instead we detach ourselves emotionally, sexually and mentally before actually departing physically.

We are scared of the hurt and pain that we may have to endure after a loving chapter has ended. We are scared because we are uncertain what will follow. We are afraid to live in regret so we choose the known over the unknown.

The reality is break ups can be hard.

Breaking up takes a toll because when we are in love our feelings are intensified.

That is why when we crash we burn!

We all know that love does entail some form of suffering but I am sure we all know when we have suffered enough.

Should we save ourselves from the immense grief and sorrow that follows a break up by continuing to wobble in unhappiness and uncertainty?

I think we at least owe it to ourselves to walk away when things have turned into dust;

And when it is quite clear that consistent happiness is no long possible.

It is so crazy that although we know we can start over, we are terrified of what will follow when a chapter in our life is ended…

The Void

When I look at you I completely know what we have.

But there is just this feeling inside that I can’t seem to find- it’s there but it is also very hollow.

Maybe they are attached to the things I wish for:

  • your support in every little adventure
  • your understanding
  • your selflessness
  • your interests in all things trivial.

There is just this emptiness inside me that is riddled with doubts, confusion, detachment and little to no expectations.

Some people say communication is the key but what is the point to communicate if things will be the same?

In good times the feeling is different, the void disappears and happiness takes over.

But like everything in this god-forsaken world, that feeling is also temporary.

I can feel the happiness ascending and then the void takes over.

Not gonna lie it keeps me up at nights, it makes me surly in the day time and overall I walk around with a head filled with uncertainty.

I can’t stop thinking about this void inside.

I cannot really pinpoint why I put myself through this.

Why do we always try to hold on to things that have done their time?

Given my current situation, I really cannot provide this answer.

But hopefully there will be a silver lining.

The complex road to a man’s heart

The complexity of human interaction can be found in one of our most humble characteristics – our uniqueness. The more I keep in touch with people the more it is obvious that no two people are a like.

Whether it be on a social or an intimate level, we find ourselves hanging out or planning to start a life with those with whom we have found some level of comfort or connection. It is expected that people with shared beliefs, values, goals or desires will unify because they have similarities.

However, at the center of all that is uniqueness. A crucial factor that oftentimes disrupts the natural flow of things.

It is always so amusing to interact with people of different nationality, race, social and geographical background. The experience we get from being exposed to a diverse population is thrilling and suspenseful because you never really know who you will get.

What do I actually mean?

Have you ever met two people who are identical in terms of socioeconomic and geographical background? One may turn out to be the most welcoming person you have ever met. On the contrary, the other may be the most obnoxious person you have ever encountered in your life.


Everything I have said so far is relatable on a social level. However, on an intimate scale, our unique principles and behavior may also turn out to be detrimental to the happiness and peace we so often venture out to find in the arms of our lover(s).

Relationships are fueled with high velocity of emotions. There is love, passion, sex and chemistry. All of which can be tumultuous. We all crave for that relationship that makes us feel like we are on a high. It is so exhilarating to talk about the new found fling or lover.

The sad thing, however, is that relationships are similar to a story plot. They all seem to have a climax and then a fall. After being with someone for a while, you start to realize that love becomes customary.

You love them and you know that they love you.

It is just a weird form of knowledge that you have without needing “I love you” to be said to you every second of the day.

When you are at this point in your relationship, you start to have epiphanic revelations. It is as though the emotions were clouding your sight. You start to realize that there are so much complexities associated with keeping a relationship alive.

All the things that you like and love, all the things that make you irritable and annoyed take precedence and if you are not careful the life you once yearn for will be instantly snatched from you.

And the sad part is, everything you experience from this point on all boils down to each person’s uniqueness.


The way to a man’s heart is really complicated and challenging. It is never smooth sailing. There is just a level of intricacy that reveals itself after the honeymoon phase has passed.

Because of this I want you to always remember these little things:

Don’t be hard on each other because you think someone has lost their touch, Don’t go having affairs because you want to get that thrill back and Don’t be quick to think that it is the end.

Although, maybe it is.