Tag Archives: heartbreak

Forgiveness

In one of our weekly zoom meetings, I was reminded that forgiveness is really for one’s self and not for the other person.

This statement has resonated with me.

At first glance, the phrase seems to echo the opposite as we always stress how much those who have wronged us need to be forgiven. However, upon further elaboration it was highlighted that forgiveness lifts a burden that persons would normally bear when they hold on to the hurt and pain others have caused them.

As I sit and write, I feel at peace because I am truly align to only those who bring happiness, tranquility and good will to my life. I have mastered the heart of accepting forgiveness as a part of my personal traits through practicing self-expression, acceptance and knowing that from time to time there will be people who will disappoint me.

At times, I have given so much to those (not my family-sadly) around me that I am always so hung up on the pain, hurt and disappointments. I have helped not with the intention of being given the same treatment but like any other human sometimes I am deeply affected by the unreliability of those who I have helped- especially when it comes to my turn.

A few years ago, I encountered a disappointment from someone who I believed I am always there for no matter how inconvenient their needs were to me. And in that very moment, I was filled with anger and bitterness because I felt as if when I really needed that person to be there they blatantly refused to.

And in a lengthy conversation, in which I deliberated about the unfairness of the world and the selfish nature of people, with my younger sibling, I came to the conclusion that I should not be fuming but instead I should feel disappointed- it is a better form of human self-expression.

But how do you handle disappointments?

The most profound human action to disappointments is that when we are left in the cold we should begin to treat others callously. We develop mistrust in others and grow to see the bad in everyone.

However, after my long conversation I decided that I did not want to be like that because when I am in that mode, I am filled with so much anger and rage. I felt hurt and all that pain was channeled into a heavy burden that made me feel sorrowful and cold towards the world.

This is the exact feeling I have (and you will have) when I have not forgiven people.

In essence, forgiveness is really for you and not for those who have caused you pain.

At some point we have to accept that it is easier to take people for who they are, understand that from time to time those who we hold dearest to us may disappoint us and finally forgive and move on.

No one wants to be enraged 24/7 or to be walking around with a heavy burden because he/she is filled with hatred and bitterness from the pain someone else has caused.

Going forward, let this be the day that you mend the fences that are possible and you get closure to those that are irreparable. I will never say forgive and forget as the human mind does not work like that- unless you have Dementia or Alzheimer’s.

So take the time to wallow in your pain, disappointments and injustice and then when you have had enough forgive so that you can rise like the Phoenix.

Everything is gone to Dust

Love is intense, beautiful, intriguing, passionate, companionship, happiness. I could go on but it would be never-ending because we all know that love is infinite.

Because of all these wonderful things sometimes love makes it hard to move on. It makes it hard for us to break up so we hold on.

There is so much uncertainty in life and when it comes to our relationships, some of us are even more unaware of what may happen. So instead we detach ourselves emotionally, sexually and mentally before actually departing physically.

We are scared of the hurt and pain that we may have to endure after a loving chapter has ended. We are scared because we are uncertain what will follow. We are afraid to live in regret so we choose the known over the unknown.

The reality is break ups can be hard.

Breaking up takes a toll because when we are in love our feelings are intensified.

That is why when we crash we burn!

We all know that love does entail some form of suffering but I am sure we all know when we have suffered enough.

Should we save ourselves from the immense grief and sorrow that follows a break up by continuing to wobble in unhappiness and uncertainty?

I think we at least owe it to ourselves to walk away when things have turned into dust;

And when it is quite clear that consistent happiness is no long possible.

It is so crazy that although we know we can start over, we are terrified of what will follow when a chapter in our life is ended…

The Void

When I look at you I completely know what we have.

But there is just this feeling inside that I can’t seem to find- it’s there but it is also very hollow.

Maybe they are attached to the things I wish for:

  • your support in every little adventure
  • your understanding
  • your selflessness
  • your interests in all things trivial.

There is just this emptiness inside me that is riddled with doubts, confusion, detachment and little to no expectations.

Some people say communication is the key but what is the point to communicate if things will be the same?

In good times the feeling is different, the void disappears and happiness takes over.

But like everything in this god-forsaken world, that feeling is also temporary.

I can feel the happiness ascending and then the void takes over.

Not gonna lie it keeps me up at nights, it makes me surly in the day time and overall I walk around with a head filled with uncertainty.

I can’t stop thinking about this void inside.

I cannot really pinpoint why I put myself through this.

Why do we always try to hold on to things that have done their time?

Given my current situation, I really cannot provide this answer.

But hopefully there will be a silver lining.

Confinement

Is this what I really need?

To be confined in the arms of my lover?

To be confined with one person to eternity?

For you to be trapped in my head?

For me to be trapped inside my head?

For all I think about is you?

Why should I spend all my time with you?

What about my friends?

What about your friends?

With over 7 billion people on Earth, why do we get to declare that our forever should be with only us?

What should I ever do if I meet someone else that I actually like?

What about that person who I feel connected to?

Why can’t I get over you?

The truth is, I feel confined to you and on some days I wish you feel confined to me too…