Kindness and assistance can be rare commodities because the world is never always amiable to us. Hence, it is of utmost importance to let others know that we are grateful and express gratitude whenever someone offer us assistance in any form.
The thing, however, is that sometimes dependency on others, can give rise to relations based on obligation.
I know for some people, obligation and help do not have any correlation. On the contrary, there are situations in which people allow those who they have helped to feel as though they are forever indebted to them- this is the type of obligation I speak of.
Being raised in the Caribbean, obligation is sometimes evident within some parental relations.
It is the norm for mothers and fathers to take care of their children. However, when you have reached a certain age and start to earn income there may be certain indicators, which suggest that it is the children’s turn to start taking care of their parents.
The obligated riddled parental relationship is usually expressed through reverse psychology, guilt trips and blatantly telling the child/ children how many sacrifices were made so that they could be in the position they are today.
There is also another form of obligation that comes with being helped in our social relationships.
Yes! Our friends may very well be there for us in our times of need. But not every friend will let your thank you be enough. You may get a reminder in the form of jokes, in private whispers behind your back or even blatantly to your face.
However, there is a deeper issue that comes with the whole notion of obligation and help.
The person who feels obligated is oftentimes overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and even depressed. There is a heavy burden as one person is trapped in the idea that he/she always has to say yes or be there because he/she was given help.
As such, the onus is upon the obligated person to channel his/her captive emotions to freedom. There has to be a point in which you, as the obligated person, realize that you are grateful (hopefully) for whatever was offered to you or for whatever was done on your behalf.
This will be your first step towards breaking the ties of your parasitic relationships.
You have to know that it is acceptable to say no or not to show up if it is literally not possible. Do not inconvenient yourself solely because you feel as though you have no choice.
There is always a choice.
And the best part is, the moment you detach yourself from the feelings of obligation begotten through help, you will have your peace of mind. The burden you once feel will be irrevocably removed from your life.
I also know that sometimes when you make the decision to stop feeling and acting obligated it may start an inner fight. But always remember that:
“Detachment, sometimes it’s necessary in order to restore your sanity. [And] Your peace of mind.” – Anonymous